July 16, 2020

Letting Go and Moving Forward

Let’s face it. Many of us choose to hang on to things that at some point have hurt us, angered us, made us feel sad, or depressed us. If we choose to hang on to them, we will never move forward and we could even create physical or medical damage to our bodies. To prevent this from happening we need to let go…but no one really tells you how to let go and move forward. Sure it’s easy to say: “Just let go, move forward, forget about it, just let go.” But that really doesn’t work. I’m about to show you how to let go and start moving forward.

Why You Need to Let Go and Move Forward

Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to a negative or unpleasant experience you are constantly thinking about it. And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall every day? Chances are you’re like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you’re holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.

The more you carry the worse life gets. Why? Because you’ve filled your mind up with negative experiences, because you continually hang on to something that doesn’t allow you to move forward, in short, you’re carrying useless baggage that’s really slowing you down.

Think of it this way: you’re on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don’t serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you’ll never complete your trip.

To let go you have to get your mind to focus on different goals and different objectives. It’s not about saying: I let go of the pain from my fight with — and move on. That will help, but if you really want to start moving on, then you have to get your mind to focus on new things, in the process you automatically let go of the things that have been slowing you down.

How to Let Go and Move Forward

Researchers believe that that if you hold on to negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories there is a possibility that you could reshape the human cell to the point where your thoughts of the past have a negative effect on your cells and your physical health.

Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you’re not even aware of. Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn’t help me so I’m letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.

The next step is to create an action plan; the past is over. Where do you want to go now and how do you plan to get there? You may not have the answers but merely thinking about the options forces your mind to go in a new direction and you automatically let go of unwanted feelings and emotions.

The key to your success is to train your mind to move in a new direction so you send new messages to your subconscious mind, which then brings you the opportunities to move forward.

The final step is to live in the present moment, to start living in the now. Living in the now is different than living for the moment. Living in the now is the process of enjoying everything that is going on at this present moment. Take a look around you and appreciate those things that you once thought were trivial. When you are here now you can be nowhere else. You are not hanging on to something, you are here now. I know some of you may say the following: “But Karim, where I am right now really sucks, I don’t want to think about it.” It only sucks because you’re looking at all the negative things going on. Focus on a few of the positive things anything from nature to the wonderful family you may have. This forces your mind to look at things differently and tells your subconscious mind that you’re ready for new possibilities, then you’ll begin to let go and move forward.

By Karim Hajee

Change

Are You Motivated to Change? – By Julie Fuimano
You talk about how you want something different in your life — a new house, a better relationship with your spouse (or to find a spouse), get out of debt, or lose weight — but nothing changes. You find that you spend (waste) a lot of time talking about it, but not doing anything about it.How do you motivate yourself to change?

There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.

Change by Force

‘By force’ means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight…or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.

There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.

Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.

Change by Choice

The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your ‘comforts’ of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.

Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.

This isn’t pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.

But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.

Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.

So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?

Two Motivators for Change

We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It’s that simple. But not so easy.

People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life’s negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!

You might also have much difficulty being happy and enjoying pleasurable experiences. It may sound funny, but true happiness comes from within; in a world where most people are so busy and full of worry, happiness and joy is left on a wish list somewhere.

Change is possible.

You can learn to sensitize yourself to your pain. You can also learn how to be happy and enjoy yourself. But you cannot do either if you are running on a treadmill. You have to slow down enough to assess your life and learn about yourself — your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, where you are frustrated or angry — before you can begin to change anything.

So here is your coaching challenge; it is twofold.

1) Pay attention to your emotions and identify what frustrates you or annoys you in your life. Where are you angry, disappointed, or uncomfortable? List these things in a notebook. Identifying them and writing them out is cathartic in that it raises your awareness and you become sensitive to where you are hurting. Many of these items you can eliminate quite easily. Others will take some time. Go slow — there is no rush.

We start with identifying what hurts because this way we can create space for what feels good. Many people have so much pain that they don’t know what they want; they just know they cannot take it anymore!

If you know you want something better in your life that’s great! But don’t skip doing the exercise above. You are still living with annoyances and old hurts that will hold you back and interfere with happiness and success if you continue to allow it. You first have to unearth these things so you can deal with them.

2) What do you envision for yourself? What do you want? What would make you happy? A vision is a compelling force that will solidify your commitment and pull you toward it. It provides direction for your thoughts and actions. Without vision, how will you know where you are going? You will continue to be buffeted by the circumstances of the day, throwing your power to the wind.

Identify your pain; envision your pleasure. Start saying no to what feels bad and start thinking about and considering what feels good. That’s your work for now. Let me know how I can support your success.

Quiet

Can you be alone and quiet? Can you simply sit and be still in silence, with YOU? Are you walking around unconscious, asleep?

It seems that everywhere we go these days there is “human” noise of some kind or other obscuring the peace of quiet.

One typical day:

Bank – music playing from small radio on the counter. An advertisement is broadcasting on two large TV screens, with sound. Two people in line talking on cell phones and yes, one at the counter talking on a cell while interacting with the Customer Service Agent.

Restaurant — music playing through overhead sound system. Fourteen TV screens, all on. When asked to turn the music down, the server explains that it is company policy that the music must be on and they are not permitted to change the volume.

Grocery store — music playing overhead, announcements, TV monitors blaring the news throughout the store and one positioned overhead at each cashier line.

Gas station — music playing inside through overhead sound system. TV screens at the pumps, all on, all blaring advertising with sound loud enough to be heard while in the car. And here’s the best — speakers mounted on the top of the building playing different music than what is playing inside.

Bookstore — music playing overhead, different music playing in coffee area, and yes, speakers outside playing more music on the patio.

What’s the point, you may ask. Well, my response is exactly that; What is all this noise for, and what role does it play in MY life?

The gift we can give to ourselves is the gift of willingness to pause, and notice. Notice how our experience changes as we begin to awaken, and discover the veil of unconsciousness the noise offers. A veil we may have never noticed before.

Many of us don’t even think about it, but we somehow need the noise. We play the radio the minute we start the car. We turn on the television as soon as walked in the house (often before taking off our coat). We eat in front of the TV. We work in offices or stores that have music playing throughout the building, all day. We are entrenched in the noise, and we don’t realize it because it is so prevalent in our society. Only when we begin to listen, and to look at our daily experience, do we find it finally letting go of us.

As a Student of Experience™, I don’t often delve into the “why” of things; why takes us into mind, into thinking, and there is so much more offered in looking at our experience. However, occasionally it can be beneficial in helping us to discover the “how”. So, for that reason alone, let’s take a quick look at why.

It is quite simple; we need the noise to block out all of the obsessive and excessive thinking going on inside our heads. Once we begin looking; being still and intentionally looking at our thoughts and the experience within our body, we quickly see that there is typically so much going on inside, we just are not equipped to handle it all. The noise; the music, the television, the cell phone texting, it all serves as a buffer to separate us from our thoughts. The interesting thing is, many people are completely unaware of their perpetual state of unconsciousness. If you asked them about the relentless thinking in their heads that the music covers up, many would say, “what thinking, I just really like music.”

Well, that may be true. In fact, I myself do like music a great deal, and today I can listen when I choose to listen. Not so long ago I lived exactly as noted above, with music on all the time, never even noticing it was everywhere and the role it played in my life. Today, listening to music is no different for me than doing anything else; when I am listening to music, that’s what I am doing. I no longer “need” it on in the background while doing other things and it no longer plays the role of covering up my obsessive mind.

Exercise: See how you experience yourself as you attempt to be still, just sitting with yourself, in silence. There is no need to try to meditate or anything else, just take a few minutes — planned minutes — to simply sit quietly. Or, turn you car radio off on the drive today, even just for a few minutes, and notice how it feels. Notice as you do this, how it is for you. You may just find, as I did, that you don’t know YOU, and you can’t be WITH yourself, alone and in silence.

If you find the experience too unsettling, stop. There is no need to force an unpleasant experience upon yourself. But again, notice that it was unpleasant and realize the gift that comes in that unpleasantness. The gift is the experience, because you now know yourself a little better. If you wish to continue working toward being peaceful in your stillness, take small steps. Try a few minutes each day, or keep the radio off in the car a bit longer each day. Eventually you will discover that you make it all the way home one day without turning the radio on, in silence with yourself.

Turn off the noise and awaken to you!

This was written by Jim McDonald

Beliefs

Are you aware that you operate under certain beliefs and assumptions that help you to make sense of this world and your life experiences, and that also guide you as you maneuver through each day? For example, you may believe that you were put on this earth for a God-given purpose. Hence, you’re striving to understand and adhere to what that purpose is. You’re open to examining things that happen to you because you believe they have lessons to teach you and indeed, may be guiding you towards new directions you need to now be taking.You may also deal with life’s problems and setbacks well because you see them as developing your ability to cope with what may yet lie ahead on this path you believe you’re being asked to follow. Furthermore, you may believe that even tragedy offers newfound opportunity if you’ll but look for it and seize it.

Hand-Me-Down Beliefs or Your Own?

Even if you cannot relate to what you’ve just read, you’re undoubtedly operating in accordance with certain beliefs and assumptions–likely handed down by significant adults during your childhood. Then again, they could come from conclusions you drew as a result of experiences during that phase of your life. So, whether you are aware of it or not, you think about other people, the world and how it operates, as well as your position as a system within larger systems–such as your family, your community, and your country–in certain ways that others may not because they had different experiences and were handed other beliefs.

Since the smoothness of your early life was largely dependent upon your ability to please the significant adults in your life, or to adopt and live in accordance with their beliefs, it is not surprising that you operate automatically in accordance with these beliefs. Also, since it is important that we all adhere to certain beliefs so as to remain productive and law-abiding members of our society, it has likely been helpful that you’ve clung to beliefs taught by teachers and others.

Still, while there are guidelines as to what is considered reasonable or rational thinking and behavior within our country, there is nevertheless a considerable range of beliefs and assumptions under which you could operate and still remain an upstanding citizen of both our country and the world.

That said, even if you have been operating under a world view that you believe has been serving you well, it may be time to re-evaluate its appropriateness for both your life today and where you want to be tomorrow. After all, these are challenging times for many people throughout the world. You may need to change up some beliefs and assumptions so you can still notice and embrace life’s possibilities at a time when negativity may seem ready to engulf you. On another note, if you have doubts about continuing to walk the path you were committed to previously, it may be time to consider some remodeling.

You may become more self-aware by striving to continually examine your thoughts, your emotions, and your behaviors. Let’s look more closely as to how you can use these to direct you in ways you’ve perhaps not considered before.

Listening to your Mind–or Not?

Many people experience their minds as something akin to committees of people chattering and arguing anyway in their heads. They hardly know how to proceed because of all the conflicting messages their minds feed them. Hopefully, though, this is not your situation. Assuming this to be the case, you may still be wondering if you should listen to it or not. In other words, should you trust that all thoughts that come to mind are essentially your friends and hence, will serve you well?

People who suffer from the mental disorder schizophrenia often come to realize that their minds feed them many thoughts that need to be disregarded. Someone who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, on the other hand, may believe that his thoughts (the majority of narcissists are men) are perfectly fine while indeed, they create havoc and emotional pain for those who must interact with him–or who suffer the consequences of his choices made as a businessman, for instance. The person who develops Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD following a traumatic event may have once been able to trust his or her thoughts, but now realizes because the brain was changed by trauma, it is no longer a good idea to do so–that whereas some of the individual’s thinking may be right on, other thoughts fall into that category known in twelve-step programs as “Stinkin’ Thinkin'” instead.

Even if you have a calm brain and a world view that has served you well, just as you may want to stay attuned to the functioning of your seemingly well-running car, you’ll want to review your automatic thoughts and how they’re continuing to serve you. After all, thoughts can fuel emotions–that can fuel behaviors that may prove detrimental and take you away from the path you intended to follow.

Listening to Your Emotions versus Blindly Following Them

It can be painful to face up to a new truth that feelings or an emotional response seem to be asking that you attend to now. If you are facing such a struggle currently, you may want to consider that on down the road, things may well become more painful or worse if you don’t heed the message and act. Remember, most problems don’t just go away. Rather, they typically grow worse–or they create new problems such as physical health issues. Therefore, you’ll want to listen to your emotional warning system and take any action that it seems to be asking of you.

Remember, your emotions are there to help protect you or remind you that there are changes you need to be making to move forth with your life and purpose. Anxiety or emotional pain, for example, may become severe enough that they seem impossible to ignore because, indeed, you aren’t supposed to be ignoring them! They are there to awaken you to the fact it is time to take action–to make some changes in yourself or your life.

Some people will not be brave enough to do this. Rather, they will try to avoid what is being asked of them by abusing substances, for example. Some will seek emotional pain relief through non-stop involvement in activities — which could include over-shopping, sexual acting-out, or overeating.

What you want to strive for instead is a balance between emotion and thinking. In other words, do not subtract either from the equation but instead evaluate both your thoughts and your feelings regularly to become more self-aware. And, just in case you believe that you are the victim of your genetics and brain, realize that you can modify your brain through changing your thoughts and behavior.

Change your beliefs and indeed, you will change your self-talk. Alter your self-talk and indeed, your emotional responses to life events will soon change. Alter your emotional response, and soon your behavior will change, too.

Humans have a need to have their beliefs and their behaviors in alignment. Thus, if you change one so that it is no longer in alignment with the other–there is dissonance–ultimately, you will be driven to change the other.

Hopefully, now you’ll be more capable of keeping your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions aligned so that they continually lead you toward a purpose-filled life. After all, you should soon feel calmer and hence, be better attuned to any inner guidance–or you’ll perceive and seize opportunities put before you that you were undoubtedly inclined to miss when you weren’t so self-aware.

This article was written by Diane England

First steps

I thought I would share this with you it is written by Mark Robbins a motivational speaker.

Have you ever seen a small child learn how to walk? If you have, you know what a remarkable experience it is. I’d heard about this, but had never witnessed it first hand until Samantha, our (almost) five year old, took her first real steps when she was just over a year. She and I were playing in our family room one night and although she’d taken a step or two here and there, and could get around okay while holding onto an adult or a piece of furniture, she hadn’t really “walked” yet.

That night I was holding her hands and pulling her across the room with me, as she took some steps. I decided to let go to see what would happen. I did and she took a step or two and then fell down, face first, on the soft carpet. She was fine. She looked up at me and although she couldn’t speak, she made it very clear that she wanted me to pick her up so she could try again. I did and this time when I let go she took about four or five real steps and then fell down. I screamed, “You did it!”, started clapping wildly, and yelling for my wife Michelle to come into the room.

Michelle came running in. Samantha and I went to the far end of our family room. I held her hands to steady her, started walking with her across the floor, let go, and then it happened – she really walked – all the way across the room, by herself. When she fell down, Michelle and I were so elated and moved, we both burst into tears and joyous laughter at the same time. Samantha, so proud of herself, began to shriek with excitement and to clap her hands as she was lying there on the floor. And, of course, she wanted to get back up and go again.

We all know how to do this – fall down and get back up. Assuming we know how to walk, which most of us are fortunate enough to be able to do, we went through this specific and miraculous experience ourselves when we were very small. We’ve also gone through it in a figurative sense many other times as we move through the ups and downs of life. The question isn’t whether or not we’ll fall down; the question is will we be bold enough to get back up again? Too often, sadly, we fall down and then decide we can’t get back up. Boldness is about having the courage, willingness, and commitment to get back up when we fall down – even if we’re scared or don’t think we can.

Resisting, complaining about, or even feeling sorry for ourselves about the “bad” things that happen is totally normal and what we’re often encouraged to do by people around us and our culture in general – whether we do it out loud with others or just in our heads. However, these things, while understandable, don’t address the real issues, the emotions we’re experiencing, or make things better for us. Facing difficulties in our life can actually be an incredibly rewarding and positive experience for us – if we choose to allow our challenges to be opportunities for growth.

Below is a list of some things to appreciate when we “fall down” in life. Obstacles, failures, and challenges can:

  • Give us important feedback about where and who we are
  • Provide an opportunity for us to be courageous
  • Allow us to wake up and notice all the good things that are happening that we hadn’t been paying attention to
  • Give us a great opportunity for learning, growth, and improvement
  • Allow us to learn to appreciate ourselves, even when things don’t turn out exactly as we want them to
  • Give us an opportunity to get in touch with, take responsibility for, and express our real emotions in an authentic way
  • Challenge us to play bigger, make adjustments, or re-think our approach

By learning to see our challenges as opportunities, we take our power back from the situations, circumstances, and outcomes of our lives. Our ability to appreciate difficulties, learn from them, and use them to our advantage, gives us an important insight into who we really are and how to create success and fulfillment in a conscious, deliberate, and authentic way.

Being bold, going for what we want, and living with authenticity doesn’t in any way mean we won’t fail, struggle, or fall short. In fact, if we aren’t failing or facing any challenges at all, it’s probably a good indication that we aren’t playing all that big in our lives. It’s important for us to make peace with the fact that we will fall down many times throughout our journey. However, when we make a commitment to ourselves to get back up, dust ourselves off, be real about how we feel and what happened, and not let it stop us from being who we are and going for what we want -we tap into what true power, boldness, and authenticity are all about.

As Mark Twain reminds us in one of his many famous quotes, “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

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